I think the feeling of rejection is probably up there on the list of worst feelings in the world, I don’t care who you are, you could be the toughest and most resilient person, if you know you’re not wanted it still cuts deep.
Unfortunately for me the feeling of not being wanted is one I’m quite familiar with, in my personal life I’ve had to deal with a lot of rejection, and I wish that I could say it gets easier, or that I’m used to it, but it doesn’t and it still hurts.
Recently I’ve felt this pain more than ever and I’ve had to find my own ways of dealing with it. The mixture of anger, sadness and low self-esteem that rejections creates can be toxic if you bottle it up, trust me I know. I’ve used the wonderful wisdom of friends and family to get me through it. So whether it’s an estranged lover, an absent parent or a distant best friend, if you’re feeling unwanted, I hope that by sharing this advice it helps you get through it.
Hey you! Yes you! You’re amazing and never forget it!
When you put your all into something, whether it be a relationship, friendship, even a work project if you don’t get the same in return it can make you feel really shitty. You start questioning your own self-worth. It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson but I’ve finally realised that no matter how nice you are, it doesn’t mean people are going to be the same. Just carry on being kind, working hard, putting in the effort not to expect it in return but because you’re a good person. You should never let the actions of others determine your own self-worth. You are amazing, and if you have to say it ten times a day to yourself until you believe it, practising this mantra will erase the negative feelings that feeling unwanted creates.
Focus on the good people in your life
Isn’t it odd that we tend to chase the people who don’t want a place in our lives? I love my dad, but he has never been a family man. I see him three, maybe 5 times a year on average and Christmas and Birthdays are usually the reason. Yet the fact he’s not bothered only makes me want to try harder, I feel like I have to prove myself all the time, like, ‘Hey! Love me please!!’ I spent so much energy wondering what I was doing wrong for him to not want to spend time with me, I made his problem, my problem. Now I let it go over my head, I could run for prime minister and he would still be the same unsociable miserable old man that I know and love. One of my favourite sayings is ‘Your friends are the family that you choose’ and in my case it’s so appropriate. So I may not have the perfect family (who does?!) but I have amazing people in my life that make up for it all and more and from now on my time and energy will be invested into the people in my life that do appreciate me!
Try not to take it to heart
So you’ve worked your ass off for a company for years, a new job comes up and you just know you could do it with your eyes closed. All those extra hours you put in and never claimed as toil will guarantee you the position surely! Until you find out you haven’t even been considered for an interview and then the girl who’s been here all of five minutes secured the position. Why? What have I done wrong? What has she got that I haven’t? I’m obviously not good enough.
I’m sure a lot of people can relate to this feeling. Maybe not this exact situation, but the feeling of putting your all and more into something and not getting an ounce of recognition, thanks or appreciation, we can all empathise with that. The key in any situation like this is not to take it to heart, of course it’s easier said than done, but we live in a fickle old world and the majority of the time it’s just not fair. If you didn’t get that job, it only means there’s a better one out there waiting for you. If that guy didn’t get in touch after your date, it’s his loss. You’re a badass, beautiful human being and the chances are it was nothing personal, if you keep that in mind it will make rejection much easier to handle. Don’t beat yourself up, it’s tough but all these experiences we go through will build us into stronger characters!
Let it go, let it goooooooooooo!
It’s a horrible feeling to know that someone doesn’t want you in their life, but even worse, when that person won’t even give you a chance. You know that you haven’t done anything wrong, but their reluctance to see things from your point of view only makes you want to show them more. Again, this is their problem not yours, hating them for it will only make you bitter, and then you’re just as bad as them. So take a deep breath, relax and be safe in the knowledge that at least you’ve tried. You can go on with your life with your head held high, you extended the olive branch, you made the effort and that is more than enough. You’ve done your bit, and that’s all you can do.
All of the above mentioned advice holds the same principle I guess, which is to not let the actions of others determine your worth. All those times that I’ve felt unloved, unwanted and worthless, I’ve dwelled on it, but I let that negativity breed to the point it made me ill, and I will never let that happen again. Of course it still hurts when it happens were only human after all, have a cry if you need too, scream into a pillow, go bat shit crazy in the gym, do whatever you need to do to vent but don’t take it out on yourself because you are so important, you are so loved and you are so worth it.
Love, Laura xo