I struggle with my own sensitivity on a daily basis ….
I truly believe that the majority of people who suffer with depression do so because they are sensitive souls. Depression is an illness that I have battled with since I was a young girl and all of my adult life, and I personally believe it’s because I care too much. I expect everyone to have the same moral compass as me and because I’m passionate about things, I find it difficult to comprehend when other people don’t have the same amount of passion and empathy as me.
This of course is completely unrealistic, and it only makes me feel very isolated in my thoughts, because of this I find it difficult to watch the news or engage in everyday conversations because if I hear something bad it lingers with me for days. Because of this I spent so much of my life wishing I didn’t care, wishing I wasn’t so sensitive and longing for the strength to be carefree and happy, truly believing that my sensitive nature was a bad thing and the root of all my problems.
I guess this is why I have suffered so much I get so overwhelmed by the intensity of life and I’ve always felt like I’ve needed to change. That the intense compassion I experience isn’t normal and that everyone else is normal but I’m not because I can’t just let things go over my head. But this isn’t true and coming to terms with who I am and accepting myself and what I believe in has slowly started to help me pull through my depression.
Depression is such an isolating and dark illness, you could be in a room full of people and still feel so alone, you could have so many reasons to be happy and yet still feel surrounded by intense pain and suffering. The only way to describe it would be complete and utter emptiness. Over the years I have had some dark moments, where I’ve felt like there was no way out, where I felt like ending it all. I still get those days where I want to retreat under my duvet and not face the world, but I’m learning that acceptance is the first step to my recovery.
A good friend of mine recently gave me a book called ‘The Aquarian Empath’ by Irma Kaye Sawyer. Like me, my friend is a sensitive soul, she is one the few people that honestly gets me, and accepts me wholeheartedly. She told me that this book had helped her come to terms with her own battles and that she hoped it would help me. I started reading it and suddenly so many things were making sense, it is a very spiritual book and I know spiritual stuff isn’t for everyone but it has helped me massively because of the way I process things. Everyone needs to have faith in something right? Whatever that is for you then embrace it, but this works for me.
If you’re a sensitive person, if you feel like you sit on the fence or try and always be fair or mediate, if you’re constantly feeling guilty, if you feel like you absorb other people’s problems or continually apologise for things you don’t need too then I recommend you pick up this book. I am a sensitive person and I feel things deeply. It is a quality in me that makes up my personality and shapes who I am, and I am proud of that. It has taken me years to believe that I can be proud of that.
There will always be bad in this world, but I have learnt to accept what I cannot change. The next time someone says to you, ‘you need to stop taking things to heart’ whatever your response, even if you ignore them, just affirm yourself that you don’t need to stop taking things to heart. Take pride in the fact that your heart is full and your intentions are good and as long as you keep that affirmation with you wherever you go, you will be able to love yourself for all that you are, a sensitive little soul with high hopes and big dreams.